Ilse's weblog of random thoughts

Run! It’s the swine flu!

These last weeks, people seem to get more and more tensed about the swine flu. Experts predicted a huge increase in the number of contaminated people and deceases, when children would return to school (on 1st of September in Belgium) and everywhere one is taking the necessary precautions. These measures have proven to be very effectic, cause now one predicts that this winter, even less people will die because of the flu than during normal winters, despite of the threat of the swine flu. However, there have also been a number of very inventive, sometimes even funny or just plain ridiculous rules and guidelines.

Just a few examples:

  • In a Flemisch school, the chairs and desks in the classrooms will be separated, so that each child sits at least 1 meter from the next child. In the playground, these kids also have to stay at least 1 meter from each other.  This must surely make the breaks something to look forward to for bullied children: ‘No you cannot hit me today, you have to stay one meter from me!’
  • The Dutch government has asked people to not use the public transport anymore but instead commute alone by bike or car. We can safely assume that most of the people who follow this guideline will take the car. Good idea! Let’s all pollute a bit more. There goes our chance to reach the commitments of the Kyoto protocol!
  • The bank Dexia advises her employees to use the knuckles of their fingers to press buttons and open doors with their elbows. Must be a really funny sight to watch!
  • A Dutch employment agency is actively recruiting people above 52, since they are very likely to already have had the swine flu in their youth, and will be able to fill the places when large groups of the younger generation are lying ill in bed.  Let’s just hope they don’t catch an ordinary flu though.
  • Janssens Pharmaceutica has equipment ready to scan the body temperature of employees when they enter the building, so they can send them back home if they have a fever. Very scifi indeed! Beam me to bed, Scotty!

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